Dappled trees on a rare sunny day outside of Belfast
"It is a moment of light surrounded on all sides by darkness and oblivion. In the entire history of the universe, let alone in your own history, there has never been another just like it and there will never be another just like it again. It is the point to which all your yesterdays have been leading since the hour of your birth. It is the point from which all your tomorrows will proceed until the hour of your death. If you were aware how precious it is, you could hardly live through it. Unless you are aware of how precious it is, you can hardly be said to be living at all.
'This is the day which the Lord has made,' says the 118th Psalm. 'Let us rejoice and be glad in it.' Or weep and be sad in it for that matter. The point is to see it for what it is because it will be gone before you know it. If you waste it, it is your life that you're wasting. If you look the other way, it may be the moment you've been waiting for always that you're missing.
All other days have either disappeared into darkness and oblivion or not yet emerged from them. Today is the only day there is." -- Frederick Buechner, Listening to Your Life
This devotional meditation struck a real chord in me, and I think Buechner poetically reminds us of a truth that we oftentimes forget. It is especially easy to forget here in Belfast, when many of my days are so filled with planning ahead and dizzying new sights, people, and ways of living that I overlook how precious my time here is. How irreplaceable. I pray that starting now, today, I will be mindful, and I won't take any of it for granted.
Small moments in my first precious days of Belfast
Wild blackberries. Sour and seedy!
First day of work: AM meeting, PM sailing
Making tomato soup from scratch... Looks gross!
Ehh... a little less scary after doctoring it up!
A Litany of Thanksgiving
Today, I make my Sacrament of Thanksgiving I begin with the simple things of my days: Fresh air to breathe Cool water to drink The taste of food The protection of houses and clothes The comforts of home For these I make an act of Thanksgiving this day.
"There is no flag large enough to cover the shame of killing innocent people."
-- Howard Zinn
This quote was shared in a documentary about a particularly awful day during the height of the Troubles in Northern Ireland called "Bloody Friday". Food for thought.
In-country orientation is over, and there has been lots to process. Northern Ireland initially strikes me as a country of contrasts.
Land of extraordinary natural beauty (and extraordinarily friendly people):
(And SHEEP!)
Land of open wounds and conflict:
(Pictures taken inside a car -- sorry for the poor quality!)
(Murals located in East Belfast)
While I've learned more about the history, culture, and geography of Northern Ireland than I thought was possible in a week, I feel far from comfortable trying to explain the complexity of the world I now inhabit. Somewhere in the middle of our first week, I didn't feel dissimilar to an infant -- pink and bug-eyed and ignorant -- trying to process and understand this fascinating and thorny world for the first time, totally dependent on others to take care of me and teach me everything I needed to know.
I'm not quite so overwhelmed with information anymore, although there is still plenty to learn. Mostly, I'm so glad to be in this place, with its long, long memory and its capacity for warm, warm welcome. And we have been welcomed so graciously by our neighbors, placement supervisors, new congregations, and our site coordinator and his family.
I'm still a liiiittle nervy about starting my work for the first time tomorrow, but we were reminded today that sometimes the best way to learn is by jumping head-first into the deep end and figuring it out as you go along!
Our first task in approaching Another people Another culture Another religion Is to take off our shoes For the place we are approaching is holy.
(Quote from the illustrious "Unknown" -- way to go, Unknown!)
As I'm getting ready to leave the United States in a few hours, I thought I'd share this scene from the movie Meet the Robinsons (which is one of my go-to feel-good movies)! This past week of orientation has been challenging and exhausting and enriching, and on Saturday night the reality of what I was about to do really hit me. And I was scared out of my mind. The next morning we attended services at local churches where the congregations commissioned us for our journey, and we were asked to briefly share our story. This is what I shared:
I am trying to
follow Christ’s call in my life, I am inadequate, and I am scared.That’s all I could think about recently
after envisioning the youth with whom I would work this year in Belfast, Northern
Ireland. The primary focus of our work and relationships in Belfast is to bring
an “outside” perspective to their long history of inter-community conflict and
violence.Although the level of
violence there has reduced dramatically, the past has left deep scars and
division, especially in the urban-working class districts.Including the lower-income neighborhood
where I will live and work and build relationships with youth at the LINK
drop-in centre and the Regent Street Presbyterian Church.
I’ve mostly been
excited about the prospect of a whole year spent in a community of need with
other volunteers – it’s a chance to listen for God’s call more closely, a
chance to stretch myself, a chance to work with youth, and a chance to immerse
myself in another culture, and learn from the people I meet there.However, I can’t help but ask the
questions: How will I relate to them? Will I be able to make a difference? When
the investment of my creativity, compassion, and love of Jesus isn’t enough to
visibly or tangibly “change their lives”, what do I do?That’s all I have to give!I am scared of failure, and I am scared
of my own inexperience and inadequacy in the place God has called me.
Then I said, “Ah, Lord GOD!Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth.”
But the LORD said to me,
“Do not say, ‘I am only a youth’;
for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you
shall speak.Do not be afraid of
them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the LORD.”
Then the LORD put out his hand and touched my mouth.And the LORD said to me,
“Behold, I have put my words in
your mouth.See, I have set you
this day over nations and over kingdoms, to pluck up and to break down, to
destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.”
--
Jeremiah 1: 6-10
Maybe God is
saying: “Yes, you will be inadequate.
That’s the point.You’re not going
to Belfast to show Belfast teenagers how fun and eloquent and spiritual Grace
McMullen is.You’re going in order
to be broken.You’re going with
nothing to give, so that I can be the one giving. And I give all good gifts.”
I, personally, do
not know what lies ahead of me in Belfast.I know there will be struggles and challenges that I have
never faced before, but I also know that there will be excitement and learning
and support and love… so much love.
God, give us
courage to hasten toward your call.Give us courage to walk forward with our minds and spirits and hands
open and empty, so that we cannot hold onto pride, entitlement, or prejudices.
I pray that we have to reach for the hand of the person next to us, and our
palms get sweaty and slippery as we walk forward into the unknown.The Lord’s power works best in
weakness, so let us boast only about our weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through
us.
Today (August 19th, 2012), I am a young, inexperienced, idealistic, creative, and compassionate volunteer with the enormous privilege and responsibility of being a missionary for Christ and his church in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Very, very soon, I'll be leaving on an early morning flight for an orientation in Stony Point, New York where I'll reconnect with other Young Adult Volunteers who will be dispersing to the four winds at the end of the week. Up until 48 hours ago, my brain had still failed to grasp these facts.
These past few months I've had to remind myself: "this is not about me." It's easy to only think about myself when I repeatedly talk with others about "my preparation, my excitement, my experience." But I am only a small part of a much larger redemption story in Belfast. There is so much freedom in saying, "It's not about me." Suddenly, your own worldly success and ambition don't matter as much, and you're free to be a vessel for the Holy Spirit, wherever it leads for the glory of God. Your life's measure of success now comes from Christ, who says, "I already love you. You've already won." What joy! Nothing we do is in vain.
With all that said, I'm going to try to update this blog with more pictures and videos than words. Words are wonderful and indispensable, but I don't want to bore my audience with ramblings about my feelings. How uninteresting. I'd rather show you my experience, supplementing with words or ideas when needed.
I really love words, so we'll see how this goes!
Without further ado, please enjoy the relevant and diverting video below! I was ignorant before watching it, and I'm sure many of you are currently ignorant about the definitions of United Kingdom, Great Britain, England, and where Northern Ireland fits into all of it. Educate yourself!
