As I'm getting ready to leave the United States in a few hours, I thought I'd share this scene from the movie Meet the Robinsons (which is one of my go-to feel-good movies)! This past week of orientation has been challenging and exhausting and enriching, and on Saturday night the reality of what I was about to do really hit me. And I was scared out of my mind. The next morning we attended services at local churches where the congregations commissioned us for our journey, and we were asked to briefly share our story. This is what I shared:
I am trying to
follow Christ’s call in my life, I am inadequate, and I am scared. That’s all I could think about recently
after envisioning the youth with whom I would work this year in Belfast, Northern
Ireland. The primary focus of our work and relationships in Belfast is to bring
an “outside” perspective to their long history of inter-community conflict and
violence. Although the level of
violence there has reduced dramatically, the past has left deep scars and
division, especially in the urban-working class districts. Including the lower-income neighborhood
where I will live and work and build relationships with youth at the LINK
drop-in centre and the Regent Street Presbyterian Church.
I’ve mostly been
excited about the prospect of a whole year spent in a community of need with
other volunteers – it’s a chance to listen for God’s call more closely, a
chance to stretch myself, a chance to work with youth, and a chance to immerse
myself in another culture, and learn from the people I meet there. However, I can’t help but ask the
questions: How will I relate to them? Will I be able to make a difference? When
the investment of my creativity, compassion, and love of Jesus isn’t enough to
visibly or tangibly “change their lives”, what do I do? That’s all I have to give! I am scared of failure, and I am scared
of my own inexperience and inadequacy in the place God has called me.
Then I said, “Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth.”
But the LORD said to me,
“Do not say, ‘I am only a youth’;
for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you
shall speak. Do not be afraid of
them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the LORD.”
Then the LORD put out his hand and touched my mouth. And the LORD said to me,
“Behold, I have put my words in
your mouth. See, I have set you
this day over nations and over kingdoms, to pluck up and to break down, to
destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.”
--
Jeremiah 1: 6-10
Maybe God is
saying: “Yes, you will be inadequate.
That’s the point. You’re not going
to Belfast to show Belfast teenagers how fun and eloquent and spiritual Grace
McMullen is. You’re going in order
to be broken. You’re going with
nothing to give, so that I can be the one giving. And I give all good gifts.”
I, personally, do
not know what lies ahead of me in Belfast. I know there will be struggles and challenges that I have
never faced before, but I also know that there will be excitement and learning
and support and love… so much love.
God, give us
courage to hasten toward your call.
Give us courage to walk forward with our minds and spirits and hands
open and empty, so that we cannot hold onto pride, entitlement, or prejudices.
I pray that we have to reach for the hand of the person next to us, and our
palms get sweaty and slippery as we walk forward into the unknown. The Lord’s power works best in
weakness, so let us boast only about our weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through
us.
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